Ahhhh those happy days when you could get out of the classroom for the day to visit a stately home or a town farm! Mostly happy memories but there are a few other less savoury things we remember from those school trips too!


1. The stench of evil

What the hell is that foul smell? There was always someone’s mum that sent little Johnny off with egg mayo sandwiches to stink the mini bus out!



2. Headcount

There was always that moment, at the end of the trip, when the teacher would be doing a head count and the realisation would dawn – ‘Uh-oh we’ve forgotten someone’. You could guarantee the class swot would then pipe up smugly – ‘Chubby was last seen spending loads of money in the arcades Miss!’

3. Chunder!

Despite the trip being only 12 miles away, the bus driver would always a) take the most winding route and b) drive like a maniac meaning there was always someone prone to spewing (the waft of all that egg wouldn’t help either!) Sadly the vomit smell would then create a chain reaction for all  the other sickly kids! Get the sand bucket!



4. Unforeseen emergency services required!

Remember to stay close to the teacher …no wandering off. Otherwise the school swot will be piping up again – ‘Miss… Dawn has got her head stuck in some railings!’

5. No Contraband

‘Nobody is allowed to buy Swiss army knives, I repeat no one!’ you’d be warned whenever travelling somewhere that, well, sold them! But someone invariably would before having it confiscated back on the ferry from France ‘Come here boy!’



6. Permission slip!

If you forgot to bring a permission slip you were going nowhere. And today was a theme park trip…unlucky!

7. Back-seats

‘Is that the smell of smoke down near the backseats? Right turn the bus around, that’s it, it’s ruined for everyone and there are no trips to the leisure centre in future!’

Well done Lofty and Bomber!

8. The Toilet

‘Under no circumstances use the coach toilet for anything other than number ones…is that clear?’ 20 minutes later the toilet is out of bounds because lentil-munching Linda has blocked it!

9. Denied the playground

Who can forget the terminal bore of traipsing around a stately home for 4 hours when all you wanted to do was explore the adventure playground!



10. Sing-alongs

Madonna’s La Isla Bonita rendition played for the 37th time on a ghetto blaster might until everyone knew the words might have been fab for us kids, but drove the coach driver and teachers up the wall.

‘Children please! Fingers on lips that’s enough!’

Pfft, like that stopped us!

11. Holiday Crush

Seeing the prettiest girl in the class fall for a French waiter. Well that’s ruined the trip!

12. Stop the bus! Quick!

Worse that a coach with a blocked loo was a coach without a loo at all. It always meant someone having far too many Coca Colas and not telling teacher they were desperate for a tinkle! Oops!



13. As sure footed as a mountain goat!

‘Careful children!’ Being safe on a school trip is paramount at all times until someone falls in the canal…and for the rest of their school days are known as ‘stinky canal pants’

14. Do not feed

Animals at the zoo or town farm loved being visited by school parties because it meant they’d soon be feasting on left over honey and peanut butter sandwiches! Naughty! And this after being told ‘Don’t forget you’re representing the school!’ about 24 times.



15. Confused

You’ve been on school skiing trip for a few days and accidentally call the teacher ‘Mum’. Awkward! Especially when it’s a bloke!

16. Equipment

On out-of-bounds trips, there you’d be, entrusted with maps, compasses, measuring sticks, helmets, boots, waterproofs like a pre-pubescent Bear Grylls, only to come back with out any of those things at the end of the holiday.

Ahhh the biggest telling off of the school year dished out to dozy Ollie!




The picture below showing how field trips should be!  What world is this!?



A few other things you might remember from when trips got serious!

Having a secret beer on a trip to Holland….and someone getting totally blotto.

Sneaking vodka in a coke bottle. Very naughty!

The Goths being too hot on the bus but refusing to take off their massive coats.

Getting lost in the middle of Paris and singing nervously to yourself…#Lost in France.

Being on the cross channel ferry and spending all your dosh on the fruit machines leaving you penniless for the whole stay!