It’s Monday morning. Again. Booze, chips and cake are definitely off the menu. Lean meat and ‘clean eating’ veggies are in. Couscous is your new best friend. You weigh yourself the moment you wake up (after a wee, of course!). From today, your lifestyle's going to change. Healthy body, healthy mind. That size-10 glistening bikini bod is in sight… But then you encounter these 23 totally valid reasons to ditch your diet...
1. You remember the ‘If no-one sees you, it didn’t happen’ rule. You’ve been healthy-eating all day. All MONDAY, of all days. A selfish oaf ate crisps next to you on the commute and you resisted snatching them from his sweaty grip. Arriving home, you remember there’s still a chunk of Cheddar in the fridge with your name on. For emergencies like THIS. One cracker or two…with a dollop of Branston. Just while you wait for that couscous to cook.
2. You get a whiff of Greggs/McDonald’s/Subway as you walk past on your lunch break. Suddenly, you aren’t walking past, you’re walking IN.
3. You’re invited to eat out with someone you’ve not seen in ages. They order pizza. It’s impossible to pick anything else from the menu.
4. It rains, you forgot your umbrella, your hair’s ruined and you NEED something to cheer you up. Hello, vending machine, old friend!
5. Another diaster. You break or chip a nail. What’s the point in trying to stick to anything when life’s THIS cruel? You really did need cheering up by that almond croissant.
6. It’s Valentine’s Day. If you’re single, there’s nothing for it but to eat all the chocolate you can afford. ALL OF IT. Or, if your partner’s gifted you chocolate, you really can’t refuse… Or share.
7. It’s Easter. This season literally = chocolate!
8. It’s Christmas. You can legitimately eat anything, otherwise Santa’ll be upset. After all, he’s fat and seems very happy.
9. It’s your birthday! It’s your human right to eat the ENTIRE CAKE.
10. It’s your mum’s birthday, so you insist on having only a tiny a piece of her cake. ‘Bigger than THAT!’ you yell.
11. It’s your sibling’s birthday. The least they can do is share some cake with you.
12. It’s your partner’s birthday. You buy them a cake so you can eat it.
13. It’s your kid’s birthday…and you can’t help tasting a piece as you slice it up for the ungrateful little darlings at the party.
14. It’s your dog’s birthday. OK. He can’t actually eat cake…but YOU can!
15. You work in an office and it’s ANYONE’S birthday… CAAAAAAKE!
16. The sun’s come out. After months of drizzle, here’s the reward. Your mates suggest enjoying a cool drink in a beer garden. You’ll agree to go for one…then someone orders nachos. Hello carbs, I missed you, too!
17. You’re at a wedding. You feel frumpy in the dress you’ve squeezed into. When are they cutting that damn cake?!
18. If you’ve got kids, sometimes there’s only one snack left in a multi-bag after you’ve dished them out. The desire to re-set the universe’s balance overwhelms you. YOU MUST eat it before anyone realises.
19. Your boyfriend insists he likes your curves. He’s so lovely. Where’s that pie?
20. You’re finally home after a stinker of a day. The fridge and cupboards are bare. It’s either dial for a takeaway or STARVE. No-one would expect you to starve.
21. While food shopping, there’s a 2-FOR-1 offer on your formerly favourite treat… So you buy six and eat them all within 24 hours. It was a bargain.
22. You read an inspiring article about how to ‘love your plus-sized bod’, nodding emphatically, while scoffing a packet of peanut M&M’s.
23. Uh, oh. Suddenly, it’s time to pack for your summer holiday! Your body might hit that beach more like a sperm whale than a super model. But who cares? There’s always another Monday…
Remember … The road to hell is paved with good intentions. And really really good cake.
Did you enjoy our list of 23 totally valid reasons to ditch your diet? Comment below and let us know if we’ve missed any!