Beer, wine, spirits...whatever your tipple on a night out with the girls or boys, there's a secret side of you that emerges after one too many. C'mon, own up, bet you recognise the drunk you in our list - along with a few of your mates...
1. The Poor Me
I’ll have a maudlin and tonic please… You’re normally so jolly, but once alcohol weakens your defences, then come the tears… ‘My life is so miserable…nobody understands me…boo hoo hoo…’ You’ll cry on the shoulder of whoever foolishly sticks around to listen.
2. The Fighter
You don’t get drunk, you get ANGRY. OK, you might not turn to physical fisticuffs, but you do start getting awfully cross about life once you’ve had a scrumpy or two. All those niggles you’ve held in all week suddenly come to the surface, and you’re not holding back…
3. The Silent Movie Star
Everyone knows when you’ve had one too many, because you suddenly go quiet. You’re still there, nursing a glass, taking everything in and smiling (a lot), but you’re no longer talking. Nothing to say? Or just scared you’re going to slur?
4. The Comedian
It’s the way you tell ’em. Friday night is one-liner night. Somewhere midway through your second glass, the jokes begin and you’re pretty relentless from then on in. And when you’re not being a wit, you’re acting the goat, dancing on tables and sneaking stolen salt and pepper pots in people’s pockets.
5. The Storyteller
You’ve got an anecdote for every topic. It’s like there’s a little ‘story’ filing system in your head – you just select a subject and out comes your ‘hilarious’ tale, quite possibly for the 23rd time. ‘Did I ever tell you about the time ..?’ YES!
6. The Risk-taker
Booze removes your ‘health and safety’ sensible side. Now you’re all up for trying something new, exciting, and quite possibly dangerous or illegal. ‘It wasn’t me officer, it was the Malibu…’
7. The Bumpsadaisy
Oh dear, she’s down again! You can blame the wobbly paving stone or your high heels all you like, but everyone knows you’re going to hit the deck at some point this evening. It’s tradition. Fortunately the alcohol means you feel no pain.
8. The Friend
‘Now lishten…You’re my besht mate, you are… I loooooove you!’ You’re full of the milk of human kindness and everyone is lovely. You’ll probably buy more than your fair share of rounds and hate everyone the next day.
9. The Flirt
Too much sauce makes you saucy. Suddenly everybody in the pub is fair game. Bottoms may be pinched, inappropriate suggestions made. Strangely enough, though, you don’t pull. And hopefully, it’ll all be forgotten by the time you next see everyone.
10. The Secret-spiller
It starts with ‘I know something you don’t know, but I can’t possibly tell you..’ Then comes, ‘I’ll give you a clue, but I can’t tell you any more than that…’ And ends with you spilling all. Course you only told ONE person, and you’re sure they won’t pass it on. Until, they’ve had a drink, that is…
11. The Shopper
A couple of cheeky lunchtime glasses of Pinot Grigio, the sun’s out, and it’s payday. Time to treat yourself! It’s only when the wine’s worn off you feel guilty about that new frock…and shoes…and bag…and necklace… (See also, late-night Internet shopping.)
12. The Texter
Course now is EXACTLY the right moment to pick up your phone and text your ex. 2am? Nah, that’s OK. His wife won’t mind… But the second you hit that Send button, you regret it.
13. The Chucker-upper
Let’s face it, you can’t take your ale. And once you’ve exceeded your limit, it’s inevitably head-down-the-toilet-best-friend-holding-your-hair-o’clock.
14. The Vanishing Act
One minute, you’re there, the next you’re gone! Either you’ve just wandered off in a drunken trance and forgotten to say goodbye…or you’ve decided to quit while you’re ahead and made the decision to go quickly before anyone tries to talk you into ‘one more pint’…
15. The Session Artist
You don’t drink all week but, come Friday night, you agree to come out ‘just for one’. Then you get a taste for it, and you’re off… No stopping you. Next thing you know, it’s Saturday morning, you’ve slept – fully-clothed – on the sofa, you’ve got a sore head, an empty wallet and a Burger King receipt scrunched up in your hand. You’ll never drink again. Not til next Friday night…
Which kind of drunk are you?!