Long hours, low pay, and you always smell like food. Oh, the joys of being a waitress.


1. You have to be nice to horrible people because they look rich and might leave you a big tip.

2. Chefs are always grumpy.

3. If food is slow in coming or tastes awful, you take the rap.

4. You develop super-strong arm muscles from carrying heavy plates.

5. You will eventually drop a tray of dishes on the floor that will make a spectacular crash that everyone in the restaurant will hear.

6. It’s vital to get along with co-workers – who’s going to watch your tables when you sneak out for a fag?

7. You master the art of opening wine with a corkscrew just as they all switch to screw-tops.

8. For some inexplicable reason, those nice folks who you were joking and laughing with will leave you a very small tip.

9. You develop a razor-sharp memory or learn to write extremely fast after screwing up that order for twenty people.

10. Split-shifts are the worst – what the hell are you supposed to do between 3-5pm?

11. People who click their fingers to get your attention can be ignored and/or shot.

12. You always wear comfy flat shoes – high heels and an 8-hour shift on your feet is not a winning combination.

13. You know how to say ‘Yes the kitchen is still open!’ cheerfully.

14. You remember to eat before work as it can be torture serving spaghetti when you’re starving.

15. You’re not crazy about those hand-held credit-card machines because it’s awkward explaining to customers how to add a tip when they were weren’t planning to.

16. You’re ashamed about how much food is thrown away in restaurants.

17.You’re not above stealing the odd chip from a customer’s plate (after you’ve cleared it away).

18. You’re definitely not above finishing off their leftover half-bottle of wine.

19. There will inevitably be obnoxious customers who treat you like a servant, and not in the good Downton Abbey way.

20. You start considering restaurant managing as a career option – and then realise you’re  over-tired and not thinking straight.

21. No-one can tell if you’re actually smiling or gritting your teeth.