Breasts. The average bra size is a 34C to 36D. And women with average, medium boobs are the lucky ones, right? We suffer nothing like the angst or daily hardships of our busty or flat-as-a-pancake sisters. WRONG! We struggle with our average busts too. Because the world is OBSESSED with breasts. And no matter how ‘normal’ ours seem, simply having boobs is bloody hard work!
1. We’re Breasts Obsessed
2. Nout Special
There’s a big boob club, an itty bitty titty committee, but no-one talks about the run-of-the mill bosom brigade. And apparently women with larger breasts are more intelligent, flat-chested ladies are more successful, yet no-one bothers to research if there’s anything ‘special’ about us lot. We feel left out! Sob.
3. Boob Envy!
We lust after bouncing bazookers volumptious enough to get us out of a parking ticket. And we dream of petite model-like chests that makes us look elegant and willowy.
4. Gravity Defying?
Erm, no. Because, yes, we may have bog-standard knockers, but it doesn’t mean they stay pert and bouncy forever. Eventually mother nature, childbirth and time catches up to our chests. No, they may not merge with our wobbly tum, but our droopy boobs eventually still scrape the bottom of our rib cage. Sigh.
We can scour the racks of fancy lingerie shops for hours, but we will never, ever find anything half decent left in our size. And we’ve got some gorgeous lacey numbers in a 34B we thought we’d ‘squeeze’ into – and hoped might even give our cleavage a boost. But we wore them once before cursing the too-small bra to hell. Ouch.
And breastfeeding still does alarming (and beautiful!) things to our boobs
Average / nice / normal. There is nothing endearing about those terms! You may as well say boring! Our boobs are unimpressive, yet our breast issues are not deemed dramatic enough to allow us a grumble. We simply have to keep quiet and hope to find a butt man.
It’s a myth that average chested chicas can take their pick of glam tops. Backless, halter, strappy, strapless, plunging, belly baring – having medium boobs is just a tiny part of the battle to finding something that suits. Most of us have back fat, bellies, muffin tops, wonky boobs and bingo wings to contend with too. And having medium breasts doesn’t mean we can automatically go bra-less. What if it gets cold?! Eek.
9. Matching Sets
We totally understand the complaints of our bustier sisters – underwear shopping must be a nightmare. But just because we can slip right into an endless selection of beautiful bustiers – balcony, push-up, plunging, all silk and lacy with cute little matching briefs – doesn’t mean we do.
10. Because we don’t!
Sorry fellas – most of the time we’re wearing something like this! Our comfy, unsexy cotton pants, paired with a bra that either doesn’t show up under our white top, doesn’t have a lethal underwire / itch, or has been washed so many times we’re not quite sure what colour it started as.
Not quite curvy, far from willowy. No, people describe our build as ATHLETIC. Think this is a compliment? No. You may as well say butch.
12. Perfect Cleavage?
It still alludes us. Even with a handy bust size that slips nicely in any high-street bra we are still flabbergasted at how movie stars get them so, well round. How do they get their cleavage to look like that? We imagine padding, lots of tape, bronzer, make-up, and maybe (probably) even surgical assitance.
13. Size Matters
Yes, we’ve considered having a boob job.
14. Flash Horror!
We may have ample cleavage without dealing with the problems of our big boobed friends, but it doesn’t mean we dare flash an underboob. Or a side-boob. It’s just asking for nip-slip induced trouble.