We’re not talking the obligatory stuff like buying a fast car, a yacht and a mansion, but some slightly less-obvious things we’d partake in we were suddenly mega rich…



Del and Rodney (above) finally became millionaires back in 1996 and we witnessed their delight in the Christmas Special. But while they did a lot of the obvious: ‘We’re rich’ stuff, we’d spend our loot in more unusual ways. Like the following…

1. Posh Nosh

Only eat really posh food like smoked salmon, caviar, lobster, oysters and mussels.

2. Pop-ular bevvie

Drink champagne all the time as it contains less calories and is lovely. It also makes a lovely ‘pop’ when you open it and others look at you!

3. Bus Off

Make public transport a thing of the past. No more trains, tubes or buses thank you.

4. Inspect A Gadget

Fill your home with all those crazy gadgets that seemed mad and too extravagant before like nail-varnish drying machines and an ice-cream maker.

5. Get A Titfer…

Start wearing hats, even if they don’t really suit you and it’s not particularly cold. You’ll look distinguished.

6. Bean There

When friends come for coffee, we’ll make sure we have those beans that an animal has pooped out. They’re called kopi luwak and are the mega-expensive. Impressive (probably not)!

7. Premier League

Never opt for bargain ranges. You’d only buy the poshest branded products, and if you do buy supermarket own-labels, you’ll get their fanciest premium lines.

8. Getting Personal

Employ a personal trainer. No more sweaty gyms or public swimming baths for you.

9. Please Be Seated

Always buy VIP seats in the cinema, rather than just sit in an unoccupied one and hope that the owner doesn’t turn up and turf you out.

10. Perfect Pitch

Have elocution lessons. Wouldn’t it be lovely to speak like Joanna Lumley? (Dahling, sweedie…)

11. New Knicks

Wear new, pristine undies every single day. No more tired-looking grey bras or baggy bloomers for us!

12. More Old Bags

Buy more than one bag for life (frivolous beyond belief).

13. Best Foot Forward…

Never get shoes repaired again. Just buy new ones. Although preferably in a better shop than this one…

What would you buy or do if money was no object? Let us know below…