For those who spend their days being polite to rude people and getting an earful and a numb bum for the privilege.
1. Sometimes you accidentally answer your mobile the same way you have to answer the phone at work and you feel like a numpty.
2. Annoying, aggro customers think you’ll be worried when they demand to speak to your manager. In reality, you’re just glad that they aren’t your problem anymore.
3. That said, the chances of your manager actually stepping in and taking the call off your hands are beyond tiny.
4. Sometimes you speak to someone with a really sexy voice and wonder if they’re attractive in real life. By the end of a long, dull shift, you’ve already pictured your wedding day with them, and are planning what to name the kids.
5. You absolutely have to learn the phonetic alphabet to avoid blurting out things like ‘is that D for… dinosaur?’
6. The hold music that plays while you’re waiting for another department haunts your dreams. You might have quite liked the song to start with but not for long.
7. You can’t get up to go to the loo when you like, or get a tea when you fancy. You’re a slave to the phone.
8. Two words. Numb bum.
9. Wearing a wireless headset is kinda cool, and sometimes, you pretend that you’re Madonna. All that’s missing is the pointy bra.
10. Some of your colleagues have worked there for so long, it’s scary. You start to worry that you’ll be answering calls right up to retirement age, too.
11. But then there are the people who turn up for one shift, and are never seen again. Where do they go?? It’s not THAT bad, surely.
12. You spend all day being polite to grumpy people when what you actually want to do is interrupt them and scream ‘IT’S NOT MY FAULT!’
13. Because you have to be super patient and reasonable with narky customers all day, you maybe might be a teeny bit unreasonable when you get home. Sorry hubbys/kids/mums/friends/the general public.
14. Talking on the phone outside of work loses all its pleasure. Texts, Facebooks, Whatsapp, yes. Calls, forget about it.
15 . If everyone who threatened to go to Watchdog, actually did go to Watchdog, poor Anne Robinson would be run ragged.
16. You say sorry around a zillion times a day, but can count the amount of thank yous you get on one hand.
17. How does that sweet old Nanna know to call up for a long chat exactly when your shift is about to end?
18. When you have to ring up a call centre in your personal life, you try to be very polite as you know their pain. But it’s not always easy.
19. That moment of sheer panic when you aren’t sure a call has properly disconnected when you start slagging off a rude customer.
20. You can’t keep up with all the drama going on in the personal lives of your call centre co-workers. There are break-ups, fallings out, make-ups… You could write a soap opera about it.
21. It doesn’t matter what you look like. Spilled your lunch down your front? The customers will never know!
22. Your friends in other jobs will never know the very real pain of not having access to Facebook or emails during the day. You feel so left out.
23. Whoever sets the call targets must be from another planet. We’d like to see them try rattling through calls at that speed without winding up customers. Have they ever actually spoken to a human being before?