Arachnophobia is an irrational fear of spiders. But if you're a sufferer, you'll know there's nothing irrational about it! Spiders are evil!
1. No pictures, please
You hate to even look at a picture of a spider because they’re SO DISGUSTING.
2. Get it off me!!
Even talking about spiders makes you feel like there’s definitely one in your hair.
3. Not helpful
If you had £1 for every time someone said to you, “It’s more scared of you than you are of it”, or “You’re a lot bigger than the spider”, you’d have enough money to eradicate spiders from the world.
You’ve got a spider-catching technique you only use when you’re home alone, probably involving the vacuum cleaner and the longest extension you can find.
5. If you want a job done…
Everyone who tries to catch a spider for you loses it or drops it, and now you have to move out until it’s found. When someone does offer to catch one for you, even though you can’t stand the sight of it, you refuse to take your eyes off the spider, or blink, during the whole catching process to make sure it is definitely caught.
6. They haven’t caught it
Even if your partner/friend/neighbour/whoever you’ve dragged in from the street to catch the spider tells you they’ve caught it and it’s safely outside or dead, you know the truth. It isn’t. It’s waiting for you in your coat.
7. Deter the spiders
Your house is full of conkers, conker spray, peppermint spray, spider-killing spray…you’ve even considered sleeping under a mosquito net during spider season.
8. I don’t want to be cured, thanks
You would NEVER do one of those spider phobia courses. You know they make you touch one and hold it at the end, right?
9. Holiday hell
Before you go on holiday abroad, you have to research exactly what species of spider live there, how big they are, and how likely you are to come across them. Australia is a no-no.
10. They KNOW
Spiders know you’re scared of them. People deny it, but it’s true. Why else do they always choose to emerge when you’re on your own?
11. So. Many. Reasons
If someone asks you what you don’t like about them, you don’t even know where to begin. Their legs, the way they scuttle along, their bodies, their cobwebs, the way they watch you… just generally how evil they are.