OK, here's the deal: make the room stop spinning and the hammers in my head cease from pounding and I promise I’ll never touch a drop again… In the meantime, here are 9 weird and wonderful hangover cures from around the world.
1. Rub half a lemon under the armpit of your drinking arm
From Puerto Rico. A means of prevention rather than cure – you do it before a night on the lash. It’s meant to prevent dehydration… Hmm, guess even if it doesn’t work at least you’ve got another half of lemon left to go in a gin and tonic.
2. Eat a canary
From Ancient Rome. Forget hair of the dog, hit feather of the songbird. Simply deep-fry your chosen Tweetypie and scoff whole. Apparently the bones are the best bit. Gulp.
3. Try tripe soup
From Mexico. A hot broth called pancitta is traditional with hungover sombrero-wearers. It’s made from boiled-up beef tripe (stomach lining), with plenty of tomato, garlic and coriander. Or maybe we’ll just open a tin of Heinz tomato…
4. Lick a friend’s armpit
Traditional Native American. So you and your mates are feeling rough the morning after…? You need to run around till you get all hot and sweaty, then slurp each others pits. Not.
5. Who do the Voodoo?
From Haiti. Stick 7 black-headed pins into the cork of whatever bottle you drank from the night before… Not sure how this works with a screw-top Lambrusco, however.
6. A fry up of sheep lungs and owl eggs
From Ancient Greece. OK, we kinda get this one – we mean, it’s a bit like bacon and eggs, right? But can’t really see you picking up owl eggs in Asda…
7. Rabbit-poo tea
From the Wild West. Yeehah – this is a cowboy brew, pardners. – good for all that ails you. Simply add bunny droppings to hot water and leave to infuse. Reckon it’d have us hopping all the way back to bed…
8. A bellyful of raw fish
From Germany. We’re not talking posh M&S sushi here, but katerfruhstuck , or ‘hangover breakfast’ – a plate of raw, pickled herring wrapped around gherkin and onion. On an empty stomach. The Germans swear this stops the katzenjammer (the wailing of the cats). We swear it’s better off fed to the moggy.
9. Dried bull’s penis
From Sicily. Gnaw away on a piece of this and it’ll have the added effect of boosting your virility. Rise ‘n’ shine, fellas!