Growing up in a farmhouse that accommodates strangers is interesting to say the least. The life of a B&B is never dull. At the very least you'll have enough bedding and breakfast to sink a ship!


1. Towels, towels and more wet towels

You’ve never seen as many wet towels in your life unless you work in a swimming baths. The more you give people, the more they use! Why anyone needs to use all of them in a one-night B&B stay is just ludicrous! Has there been a flood?

2. Various ways of cooking eggs

So many different ways to cook or prepare eggs! Who knew? The egg genius!



3. What you get up to in the privacy of your own room!

Whether there’s been a dirty protest/accidents or illness, there’s not much that hasn’t been come across…pardon the pun.

4. Light-fingered guests

People have a habit of ‘borrowing things’ – kettles, towels, lamps, you name it, if it isn’t nailed down, it’s walking. It might be expected that a few of these will need replacing during the height of summer season, but leave the TV for goodness sake, we can see you can’t close your suitcase!



5. No, we don’t do chips!

You’ll be amazed what constitutes a full English breakfast to some well-travelled guests! If you want chips for breakfast, go to a cafe and ask for an ‘all-day breakfast’. Oh, and pizza is not breakfast either for that matter!

6. Friends for life

You’ll make friends for life and have many return visitors from all corners of the globe. That’s a plus… but with every positive comes a negative. ‘Oh goody, look who’s back for another stay! That wacky couple from Halifax with their conversations about roundabouts.



7. No Vacancies

Double booking horror! It happens, if you have a list of things on your mind and forget to add it to the bookings list/computer (lucky to have a computer back in the day!) Cue the urgent phonecall to neighbouring B&Bs to send weary travellers to a warm bed for the evening.

8. Fountains of knowledge

You become a local historian and tourist information guide, and you can reel off local taxi numbers, bus timetables and pub opening times at will!

9. Celebrity guests

Over the years there are many visitors and even the occasional famous person. Even Timmy Mallet nested down at ours in the early 80s before he became a household name! He wore some bright yellow trousers!


PA Photos

10. Newlyweds

It’s lucky if you see them, they’re so nocturnal, barely leaving the room or having any breakfast before check out!

11. Well I never knew that!

Your knowledge of the world becomes vastly increased as guests of all nationalities descend. Did you know, Lichtenstein produces the world’s most false teeth? Fascinating!

12. Mind your own beeswax

You often get guests having a snoop into the owners’ living quarters. ‘Oi nosey, back to your room!’ To be fair, some just get lost on their way back to the room but a few do have a nose.

13. Sleepwalkers, insomniacs and party goers

Some guests will be up and about at all strange hours. Not to mention stopping you on the landing and having a full-blown conversation at 4am.

14. Frequent requests

No, we don’t do packed lunches. No, we don’t do any ironing either. A birthday cake? We might have something!… Oh, and you want more towels now do you, as you’ve soaked the last 25 we gave you! And no, Sky and Wifi haven’t been invented yet… luckily!

15. Self-sufficient smell

Yes the eggs, milk and mushrooms are from the farm and so is that smell – we call it ‘the authentic countryside aroma!’



16. Eductional

People staying often want to see how things work on the farm. This is ideal when there’s an offer of an extra pair of helpful hands during haytime! Children always get very excited seeing newborn lambs or kittens!

17. Countryside rules

The way of the countryside means the animals don’t care for guests having a lie-in… Noisy cows and cockerels mean it’s not always the quietest environment for a peaceful stay!

18. How cheap was that!

It was £5.50 for a double or twin room per night and a full English breakfast with endless tea/coffee and toast! Bargain – rewind me back to the 80s!

19. Left what behind?

So apart from the odd item of clothing, there’s all manner of things left by guests. From wigs, false teeth and a wide variety of rubbish just stuffed under the bed to be found when changing the room, to a full picnic basket of wellington boots. What else? Scripts for TV shows, a bucket load of Vaseline, someone’s homework, electrical items, pills, toys, glasses, jewellery and even someone’s dog. (And yes, they did come back for it!)