Pants up your bum and bra underwire digging in? Yep, sometimes it does feel our clothes are out to get us! Check these 15 wicked ways our clothes can attack!
1. Knicker Flossing
As wardrobe malfunctions go, this one literally is a pain in the ass! And it’s not just thongs that manage the irritating ride up your bum, even some perfectly innocent-looking ‘midis’ can have attitude!
2. Bra-underwire Hostilities
Why doesn’t that wire just stay where it should? But, oh no, it has to fight its way out to stab you.
3. Hold-ups Holdup
They looked so slinky when you first put them on. Now they’re either sliding down your legs giving you wrinkles like Last of The Summer Wine’s Nora Batty or are so tight they’re cutting off your circulation and etching patterns into the skin of your thighs.
4. Label Ambush
Where do manufacturers find the material they use for labels? It’s stiff, prickly and impossible to snip from clothing without leaving a hole!
5. Spanx Death Grip
Yup, you’ve wriggled into them. Now try to eat. Or get into a car. Or move.
6. Tights Stranglehold
Small hole in the toe of your tights and no time to change them now? It won’t show in your shoes/boots. Nope, it’ll just cut off the circulation in your toe…
7. Blouse Gape
Aka the ‘peek-a-boob’ gap. And you don’t even need to have large boobage to suffer!
8. Dark-denim Rub-off
Turns your legs blue (plus any clothes that come into contact with those jeans) leaving you slightly corpse-like in colour.
9. Glitz-motif Mugging
Yes, sequins and beading looks pretty, but 20 minutes into the evening and you’re squirming like you have a dress full of small beetles. And don’t even try to sit down…
10. Pencil-skirt Squeeze
It looks elegant if you’re standing at a swish cocktail bar. But try to walk, especially up and down stairs, and you may end up looking a tad foolish… (Check out the comedy walk from fashion and lingerie designer Zahia Dehar at the Versace fashion show, Paris)
11. Waterproof-jacket Roast
It can reduce you to a ball of sweat in minutes and don’t you love that feeling of a small trickle of perspiration gliding down the small of your back?
12. Pleather-trouser Pinch
You know where they nip. And how can a lightweight garment generate SO MUCH heat? (see also ‘ball of sweat’, above!)
Tops and dresses show off shapely shoulders and a buff back. But tie them tight enough to stay up and you’ll suffer.
14. Lace Assault
Itchy and scratchy, and we’re not talking The Simpsons cartoon characters.
It’s just a tad above your knee, looked great in the Topshop changing room, and in front of the mirror at home before you came to work. Then you got on the bus and sat down, and suddenly it’s barely long enough to conceal your undercrackers…
And don’t even think about what shoes can do to you..!