Is Uranus rising? Then it's time to consult the stars and find out what kind of astro-farter you are!



The most practical sign of the zodiac, the Capricorn farter has a no-nonsense ‘better out than in’ policy towards parping. Which makes getting into a lift with you after you’ve scoffed an egg mayonnaise sandwich a somewhat risky business.


The philospher of the zodiac, you see letting rip as a deeply profound act, your motto being ‘I stink, therefore I am’!


Known for being sensitive and creative, the phrase ‘arty farty’ could have been invented with you in mind! You see trumping as an artistic statement and being a water sign, particularly enjoy the musicality of a mighty bathtime rapple!


Your guffs are like your temperament – loud, fiery and unpredictable! You’re utterly unapologetic about your farting, and if anyone dares complain, with your stubborn streak you’re liable to let rip with even more gusto (leaving another stubborn streak of its own!)


Down to earth and a tad lazy, if you’re a bull your idea of parping etiquette is to simply lift your cheek when no one’s looking and waft with a newspaper. And if anyone asks if you pumped? You deny it completely. Well, you are a bullsh**ter after all!


In typical ‘two-faced’ Gemini form, you love nothing more than to let off a silent-but-deadly stinker then, gagging, wheezing and contorting your face in horror, blame the person next to you. For this reason, dogs hate you.




The moodiest sign of the zodiac, grumpy Cancerians get away with farting just about anywhere and everywhere because we’re all too scared to complain about it! Break wind, on my head you say? Sure Cancerian chum, no problem!


Loud, vain and a right show-off, the Leo farter sees each bottom burp as a chance to win plaudits and attention. For them, the louder and more dramatic the better, so if there’s a microphone nearby, watch out!


The quietest, most uptight sign of the zodiac, Virgos simply refuse to admit they fart. EVER. Secretly though, they like nothing better than squeaking one out on a leather sofa.


Fair and diplomatic, the laid-back Libran is quite happy to parp freely. In fact they’d go so far as to say they find their own farts genuinely pleasurable and are baffled, nay hurt even, when cushions are thrown, gas masks donned, and windows flung open.


Famously the ‘sexiest’ sign of the zodiac, Scorpios like to incorporate a bit of wind into their sexual repertoire – namely letting one fly in bed, then holding their partner’s head under the duvet. How could anyone resist such allure?


If there’s a joker in the zodiac, then gassy-arsed Sagittarius is your man (or woman!). When they feel the wind rattling the rafters, you can guarantee they’ll be whipping out a digit and proclaiming to the nearest bystander – ‘Pull my finger!’