Welcome to a world of filth, kink, and downright pervery with our A-Z of weird sexual fetishes!
If the sight of a statue gets you hot under the collar then you’re probably an agalmatophile. Gives a whole new meaning to ‘Nelson’s Column’!
Keep your cuddly Kermit away from these pervs, because they definitely want to ribbit! Yes, that’s right, batrachophiliacs have a sexual fetish for frogs!
These oddballs definitely want to ‘fill yer crack in’ – chasmophiles are sexually aroused by cracks and crevices in walls or pavements. In 1993, Karl Watkins, of Aldridge, West Midlands, was jailed for 18 months after confessing to having sex with pavements. And more recently, YouTube footage surfaced of a man in New Zealand with his jeans and pants around his ankles, thrusting vigorously at the floor of an innocent car park. We think they must be cracking up!
Ever found yourself walking through some woodlands and thinking ‘Phwoarrr look at the bark on that!’ No, us neither! But if you suffer from Dendrophilia you probably would, as it means you have a sexual fetish for trees! In July 2016, a Florida man was filmed – stark naked in broad daylight – showing a tree next to a busy road some serious, erm, wood!
People with eproctophilia have a fetish of…wait for it…flatulence and farting! We should introduce them to the husband. The two of them would have a right gas!
Maybe farting man could hook up with fecophilia man. Yep, the dirty devils with this fetish have a sexual desire for, well, faeces! A (dis)honourable mention has to go here to David Truscott, who was jailed for five years in 2008, after being repeatedly caught masturbating in Devon farmer Clive Roth’s slurry pit.
These are men or women who have a fetish for having sex with the very elderly. Might explain how the Rolling Stones have always manage to pull such young girlfriends!
Ever wonder about those women who write love letters to serial killers in prison, and some who even go on to marry them? Chances are they’re hybristophiliacs – people who are sexually attracted to dangerous criminals. It seems it’s largely women who are hybristophiles, and psychologists have several theories as to why some women are attracted to such evil men. The two main theories are these women hope their love with ‘heal’ the ‘wounded child’ within the sick, twisted killer, and secondly, they’re also seeking a fame or infamy of sorts.
Well knock me down with a sweaty jockstrap, if this isn’t a particularly gross fetish! Yep, idrophrodisia is the term used to describe the men and women who get turned on by the smell of sweat. In particular, sweaty genitals. Sounds like a dodgy 80s metal band, probably stinks as bad too!
For those about to splosh, we salute you! Yep, jelly (or Jello as they call it in the U.S) is big business in the sploshing community. But we’re not talking about eating it. Oh no! Sploshing involves being smeared in or smearing others in jelly for sexual pleasure. And if a jelly fetishist doesn’t get their fix? You can be sure they’ll throw a wobbler!
If you get your rocks off by giving yourself or other people an enema, then you’re a klismaphiliac. Water strange kink!
While babies need breast milk to survive and thrive, adults who enjoy drinking breast milk (and it seems there’s a fair few of them about) are known as lactophiliacs. Want bitty? It seems they certainly do!
Find yourself having wild fantasies about getting it on with a Reliant Robin? Convinced your neighbour’s Skoda is giving you the glad eye? Then you’re likely a mechanophile – someone who’s attracted to cars. In the UK, a man called Daniel Cooper was arrested for having sex with his Land Rover in public – he also had a previous conviction for attempting to have sex with a shop counter. In America another man claimed to have “slept” with over 1000 cars. Check out his story here!
You mist be joking! Nebulophiliac’s have a fetish – for fog! Puts a new spin on the phrase ‘It’s a right pea souper!’
Eye eye! These randy devils want to lick you somewhere moist, somewhere tender – yes, they want to lick your eyeballs! We do hope they haven’t been eating Marmite first.
F-f-flaming heck! There really is a kink for everyone out there! These guys and gals get whipped into a frenzy of lust by the sound of someone stuttering.
Apparently the internet is awash with (mainly) men, rubbing their thighs and making little grunting noises while watching naff 60s and 70s disaster movies of women being sucked into quicksand. Erm, phwoarr!
Now this is a kink us oldies can get behind! Rhytiphiliacs have a fetish for people with facial wrinkles.
This one is about as dirty and filthy as it gets! Yep, these mucky little devils love rubbing soil all over other people.
A Titchmarshophiliac* is an especially perverted type – usually (although not exclusively) middle-aged and female – who has a rabid fetish for twinkly-eyed gardener Alan Titchmarsh. They’d definitely like to get their hands on his bulbs, and the less said about what they’d like him to do with his green fingers the better!
If you go down to the woods today and there’s a ursusagalmatophiliac around then you’re sure of a big surprise! Because these freaky deakies love getting it on….with teddy bears. One Ohio resident named Charles Marshall has been arrested four times for having sex with a teddy bear in public.
Remember the story of Jonah and the Whale? Well, if you’re a voraphiliac, being swallowed by a whale would be a kinky dream come true, because these pervsters fantasise about being swallowed whole and digested by something…or someone!
You know those big rubber thigh-length boots fishermen wear? Well some men have such a love of them, there’s whole websites dedicated to them. Funnily enough, there doesn’t seem to be much fishing going on in them!
You really can see everything on the internet these days – including X-rays of people having oral and penetrative sex. Talk about and X-ray-ted fetish!
A sexual attraction to yoghurt. Might make you think twice when you next spot someone munching on a fruit corner!
Most of us find sexual jealousy pretty unbearable, but zelophiliacs actually get a kick out of feeling jealous – with some going so far as to watch their partners having sex with someone else!
*We may have made this one up due to lack of interesting fetishes beginning with T! That said, we know Mr Titchmarsh is very popular with a lot of ladies, so you never know…!