Chloe Jennings White lives her daily life in a wheelchair – despite being able to walk perfectly.
The 58-year-old Cambridge graduate and research scientist has wanted to be disabled from a young age due to a rare psychological condition known as body integrity identity disorder (BIID).
When home alone, Chloe would often make leg braces for herself, which she says ‘just felt right’.
She frequently conjures up fantasies in which she experiences an accident and loses the use of her lower half for good, and she’s even on the lookout for a surgeon willing to grant her wish of being paralysed.
‘I did find a surgeon in another country who would be prepared to do femoral and sciatic transections to paralyse my legs,’ admits Chloe. She says the $25,000 fee is the only reason she hasn’t gone through with it yet.
As a result of her BIID, Chloe suffers from intense anxieties and bouts of shaking and crying.
To combat this she took to using a wheelchair full time in 2008, which brought her some immediate relief.
Despite her desire to become disabled, Chloe loves to go skiing and wants to do it as much as possible before any future operation. She admits that her friends and family worry about her skiing because the possibility of an accident is always in the back of her mind.
She even had a car crash in 2009, a 75mph double roll over. Years later Chloe is still questioning whether any part of her did it deliberately, but she can’t be sure. All she knows is that she can’t wait for the day she loses control of her legs.
‘When I have that surgery, I just know it will be the happiest day of my life.’