So it's Saturday morning and I dare to even THINK about cooking a full English as a morning-after-the-night-before hangover cure. But no sooner than the thought's entered my head than...BEEP! BEEP! BEEEEEEP! Anyone else out there own the world's most needy, oversensitive, highly-strung smoke alarm..?! There it flippin' goes again... My smoke alarm goes off if...

1. I grill bacon

Smoke alarm: Woman eating bacon sandwich

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2. I fry sausages

Man and woman smiling at sausage

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3. There’s the merest hint of stir-fry in the air

Smoke alarm: wok on fire

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4. It’s Sunday – a proper roast is far too much to ask

Woman holding burnt roast joint

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5. It’s Pancake Day – OMG, complete and utter meltdown

Smoke alarm: pancake with smiley face

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6. I have the cheek to pop a slice of bread in the toaster

Blackened toast in flaming toaster

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7. I have the temerity to pre-heat the oven

Woman at flaming oven

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8. I put more than 3 socks in the tumble drier

Woman holding nose at tumble drier

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9. The cat sneezes

Cat sneezing

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10. I breathe…

woman in gas mask

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…well, at least that’s how it feels. Course, I’m glad I’ve got a fully-functioning smoke alarm really. For info on how to keep your home safe, click here!