Dads are different to mums – they're governed by a set of rules only known to their kind. Dadkind.
Through thousands of years of evolution, they've been programmed to act and react in certain ways. It's not their fault, they just can't help it. To help you understand them, here's 7 things only dads do. Happy Fathers Day, Dad!
1. Rule the thermostat
No matter how cold it is outside, winter doesn’t officially begin until Dad turns on the heating. But the atmosphere doesn’t thaw then – he’ll guard the thermostat, keeping a constant eye on its setting and giving a roasting to anyone who turns it above its official ‘Dad room temperature’ setting.
2. Turn off the lights
Dads like to do a light patrol. This involves going around the house and making sure every light is turned off. Be warned: make sure you cough as he enters a room – unless he knows you’re in there, you’ll find yourself plunged into darkness.
3. Take charge of the carve
Some dads love to cook, others aren’t that bothered. But one thing all dads do is carve the Sunday roast. Being hunter-gatherers by nature, this ritual is in their DNA. It harks back to cave-days when Dad brought back a shrink-wrapped T-Rex to feed the clan, chopping it up with his prized flint carving knife. Apple sauce optional.
4. Rule the barbecue
Again, this goes back to the days of old when fire was the main source of heat and protection. Me man, me cook sausages. Charcoal and matches bring out the caveman in all dads. Being able to ignite the corner of an easy-light bag of charcoal is a job purely for the alpha male.
5. Play to win
When playing games with children, mums know that it’s good to let them win sometimes. This helps to keep kids engaged in the game and builds their confidence. Yeah, right! Not dads – they play to win. They know life can be cruel and not everyone can be a winner. By kicking the ball as hard as he can in a garden penalty shoot-out or leaving little Johnny for dust in the park, he’s helping littl’un learn a lesson and toughen up.
6. Bring out the whiskers
All dads love wrestling with their kids – it’s their way of proving who’s in charge in the pecking order. Not only do they like to tickle their opponents into submission, they also a have a secret weapon… Their whiskers! Having your face rubbed raw by your dad’s beard is a rite of passage for kids the world over. PS: A few mums can do this one, too.
7. Pass the phone
When you’ve moved out and you phone home, you always speak to your mum first. She eagerly asks you how you are, what you’ve been doing, where you’re going, what you had for your tea, generally has a lovely conversation with you. Then she hands you over to your dad, who says, ‘Alright, son? Anyway, I’ll put you back to your mum…’
8. Break the rules
And that’s why there are 8 things that only dads do on this list instead of the advertised 7…
He’s a rebel, your dad. But if you want big cuddles, a shoulder to cry on, a free taxi service, sound advice, someone to inflict your bad mood on, plus barbecued food, carved chicken and rooms that are always at a comfortable temperature, then Dad is your man.
Happy Father’s Day! Can you think of any more things only dads do?