Men and women both agree on one thing - relationships can be complicated. With dozens of ‘how to find romance' lists online, one can’t help wonder if some of this well-meaning advice could perhaps be part of the problem. So, with tongue-firmly-in-cheek, read our top tips for how to catch a man and keep him*...
1. Remember that location can be key to your success. If you fancy a male colleague, take note of his favourite mid-morning snack. Then, Hansel and Gretel style, lay down the bait along the route from his desk to the gents’ toilets, diverting him directly into the open stationery cupboard… then pounce, locking it behind him. Muhahahaha.
2. Whatever the surroundings, use them to your advantage. Dimly lit nightclub dance floors are perfect for disguising your freshly laid down superglue. As he struts on ready to throw some shapes, you’ll have him stuck right where you want him!
3. If you’re after an outdoorsy type, make like Wile E. Coyote and catch your man. Disguise a tree snare net trap with leaves and lie in wait for your unsuspecting chap to step on it. Be prepared, boys, as the Scout motto goes…
4. Take up weightlifting, build your biceps then get one of your new bodybuilding pals to grab him unawares and throw him (from a reasonably safe height) into your eagerly awaiting arms below… He’ll be so grateful you saved his life, he’ll never leave.
5. Distract him with your winning smile… as you slip a set of handcuffs onto his wrist, trapping him by your side FOREVER.
6. Depending on your budget, hire professionals. Get burlier blokes to do your dirty work, kidnap him, and delivered direct to your home.
7. As a cheaper alternative, order in a supermarket home delivery and ask the helpful male driver to carry your bags indoors…
8. Advertise a job in the local paper: ‘Males required to taste test free pizza’ listing your own home address… Easy pickings!
9. Appeal to a bloke’s inner child, set up a giant ‘adults only’ bouncy castle in your front garden – complete with a well-concealed trap door dug into the ground below… Gotcha!
*This list’s to be taken in good humour, not literally. Trapping any human against their will is illegal. Don’t even think about it. Happy dating, all you singles out there!