It's been claimed 40% of blokes would choose footy over sex! Although 1 in 7 would happily agree to a quickie at half time...how romantic! The football widow really does have it tough! Check out all these other things we have to put up with!
1. It doesn’t matter who’s playing
Even if it’s two teams from league four in Uruguay! If a game is on, he’s watching.
2. Even if you’re on holiday!
Yes – somehow he finds the bar that has footy on 24/7. Snooze.
3. Mid May until the beginning of August is your fave time of year!
No football! The season is over. Yes! You’ve a whole 12 weeks of bliss ahead! He becomes the perfect partner. Meals out, cosy nights together. Attentive, loving. Present! Enjoy it while it lasts – because it won’t!
4. Except of course, every other year when the Euros or the World Cup is on!
You actually like watching your country play. You’ll even put up with the wallchart he’s put up. But why does he need to watch Every. Single. Match? It’s on all day, everyday for weeks. Next time, you’re booking a girly holiday to somewhere where they prefer rugby.
5. And they’re utterly miserable when England inevitably crash out
Wait, are those actual tears? He didn’t cry on your wedding day, or even when his first child was born. But England get knocked out by Portugal and he sobs like a baby? Words fail.
6. He tricks you with trips to the pub
So the season has kicked off. But you’re not in full football widow mode yet. Suddenly, he offers to take you to the pub on a Saturday or Sunday afternoon. Lovely! It’s sunny out, the beer garden beckons! Only you arrive to find Sky Sports is on the big screen inside. Your eyes narrow. ‘I’ll just watch the first half,’ he promises. Half time comes. ‘But it’s a really exciting game!’ he cries. Sigh. You tolerate this because he pays for the drinks. Luckily, you still have Candy Crush on your phone.
7. He can’t keep his eyes of the telly
His team isn’t playing, so he’s promised you a footy-free day out – only somehow you end up in a place with a TV. And there’s a match on. You can tell he’s really trying to focus on you, but his eyes keep flicking to the screen. ‘So, I’m thinking of getting a pet elephant and running off to join the circus,’ you say. ‘Sounds great,’ he replies. Humph!
8. Or he just sits you with your back to the TV!
So you’ve ended up in a bar playing the football, seemingly by accident. Again. But this time he doesn’t even TRY and listen to you. This time he sits you with your back to the telly, conveniently giving him the perfect view of the match. Does he really think you are THAT stupid?
9. They ALWAYS want to watch Match of the Day
You’ve been a football widow all day, they’ve watched all the big games, flicked between Soccer Saturday and Final Score. Even then, they STILL want to watch MOTD before they go to bed. Sigh.
10. They sulk for hours when their team loses
Like a petulant toddler. It’s ridiculous! It totally ruins any night out you’ve got planned. Which is even worse when their team loses ALL THE TIME! In fact, you preferred it before they got promoted to the Premier League – at least they won sometimes!
11. They hate the ref
They blame everything on the ref. Or the linesmen. Or the cheating ‘scum’ on the other team! They even get you to watch and re-watch supposed infractions. ‘There’s no WAY that was a penalty,’ he shrieks. Yes dear. Like you care!
12. You used to like footy
In fact, you still do. You have a fave team, love watching your country play, can name the players and know the off-side rule. But when your team loses (which isn’t as often as his!) you go through the same emotions – anger, annoyance, disappointment, even heartbreak if it’s a cup or title winning match. Only you’re over it in two minutes not two days (if they get over it at all). And having football shoved down your throat day in day out makes you realise how inconsequential the whole thing is.
13. It’s just a game!
Never, ever say this to him. Unless you want his face to turn all red and steam to actually come out of his ears. ‘Just a game? JUST A GAME?’ Oops, best make yourself scarce until he’s calmed down.
14. Ditching family dos
Your sister announces her wedding date. ‘But that’s the day of the Champion’s League final,’ he moans. You shoot him that look – family wedding trumps footy…surely?! His team isn’t even in the final, it’s two German teams! Yet, somehow on the big day he’ll sniff out a telly, along with the other footy mad blokes at the wedding. Men are like magnets for TVs when the footy’s on! And you’ll be left slow dancing alone, weeping into your bubbly.
15. You’ve thought about getting a season ticket
Just to spend more time with him! But you don’t like how much he swears during games, you actually get quite bored, and then there’s all the shoes you could buy with the extorionate money they cost! If he wants to spend his cash watching 11 men run around a muddy pitch for 90-minutes then 2-hours down the pub angry because they lost, fine. But personally, you think he’s mental.
16. He’s always checking the score
When he’s not watching the match, he’s constantly checking the score using an app on his phone. He checks so often, you may as well just let him watch the game.
17. He watches it on his phone!
You’ve agreed to watch a film you’ve both picked. But at a really exciting bit you notice he’s not watching, his eyes are glued to his phone! And he’s watching the match on it! How is that even possible? Is there a football watching app now too? He says it’s a compromise. Sigh. Now you have to put up with constant questions throughout the film. ‘What’s happening?’ ‘Who’s that?’. Why do you bother!
Are you a football widow? Tell us about it in the comments below…